A Writer’s Reasons For Falling In Love

If your story has two (or more) people who fall in love, it’s easy to explain away those feelings in vague terms. She was beautiful, he had amazing eyes, it felt like he’d known her all his life, her heart skipped a beat and she just knew he was the one etc. etc. etc.

Although those sorts of reasons are perfectly believable and exist in real life as well as in numerous works of fiction, there is still a sense that the writer doesn’t really have much of an idea of why these particular people hooked up, or even what love really is. Readers make allowances for it because they don’t really know either. But just for fun I thought I would try to make a list of non-vague reasons for people to fall in love.

You impress me — I think any time someone shows talent, ability or ingenuity that can be enough to win a person’s heart. It depends on two things though, the ability also has to be impressive to the reader, and the character has to consider it a worthwhile trait. One type of woman might think a guy who beats up three others in a bar fight is awesome, while another woman might think the he’s a violent dick.

You impress others — when someone is the centre of attention, whether the popular kid at school or a politician or a movie actor, that can raise their value in the eyes of others (btw, these are all reasons to fall in love, they aren’t necessarily healthy reasons).

Fearlessness — we’d all like to be the guy who does the thing no one else has the balls to do, but we’re scared. The guy who does do the thing is the guy everyone wants to be with, right?

Thank you for believing in me — when a person stands up for someone else or supports them in doing whatever they want to do, that’s a good reason for wanting to keep them around. In fiction, this works best when no one else is prepared to do it. If someone’s getting bullied or made fun of for having big dreams, the one person who’s willing to stand beside them will always seem like a loveable person.

I’m desperate and lonely — probably not a great reason for a romance but certainly a believable one. People often cling to whoever’s available. Nobody wants to grow old alone or be left on the shelf.

You like me, you really like me — lots of attention and adoration can make you feel special, and who doesn’t enjoy feeling special?

Money — while you probably won’t want to state it bluntly, a rich, successful person can be very attractive. Jane didn’t like Bill until she found out he was a millionaire... isn’t going to be all that well received, but Bill wooing Jane by taking her swanky places and for trips in his private jet can make her feel differently about him.

Charmed, I’m sure — a charming person can win you over. The only problem with this is putting it on the page. We all know what charming is when we see it, but it’s not all that easy to write. Just being well-mannered and attentive can be enough in real life, but in fiction it has to be more than that. This often works better in movies where actors can use their own charms to help augment the character. So steal from movies.

Save me! — everyone loves a hero, especially if their heroic thing is saving you. Obviously it depends on exactly what they do and how risky it is for them, but gratitude can easily turn into romance.

Shared Trauma — people who go through extreme situations, whether it’s being stuck on a desert island or being chased by a serial killer, form a bond. Having to rely on each other, share what little resources they have and face their doom hand in hand can all make for long term relationships (assuming both survive).

Good old fashioned sexy — good sex can be addictive like drugs (also like drugs it can be very expensive). Getting that on the page can be a little tricky, although these days a little S&M can do wonders for your book sales.

Pestering them until they say yes — surprising how effective this can be, especially if you catch someone when they’re feeling low and insecure. 

A couple of additions: Humour suggested by Melissa Bradley and Intelligence suggested by Elise Fallon. 

And a couple more: Rose Munevar recommends integrity, a noble attribute worth hanging onto (if you can find someone who has some). Siv Maria suggests the person you can't have. Nothing as deliciously tempting as the unattainable.

One thing to remember is that once person A falls for person B, then person B still has to also fall in love with person A. If both people just magically fall for each other it won’t make for much of a story.

If Mandy goes to see rock band Mizzeree and lead singer Johnny Z is so amazing on stage that she falls for him completely and sneaks backstage and gets in his dressing room you can believe a teenage girl doing all that, but why on earth would Johnny Z fall for her? He might sleep with her, but the qualities that impressed Mandy will also impress myriad others, so how can you convincingly show reciprocal love? Love has to work both ways.

In those cases you have to give both people reasons for falling in love. Maybe Mandy’s got a talent of her own, maybe she speaks the truth (something popular people don’t often hear), maybe she drugs and kidnaps him. Of course, you might think the mysterious qualities of falling in love don’t require explanation, and plenty of books have gone that route, if you do show the moment when love arrives in a tangible way, you’re going to provide a much more satisfying experience for the reader.

Although, a  one-sided love affair can also be an interesting tale.

Any other reasons for falling in love? Let me know in the comments and I'll add it to the list.

If you found this post interesting please give it a retweet. Cheers.